Summary: Life without Mulder?
Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine. They belong to C.C.
and 1013 Productions and Fox. I am just borrowing them to fulfill
my creative wishes.
A/N: Some knowledge of the seventh and eighth season is required.
The silence really does weigh down on you. You can feel the pressure building and even the slightest disturbance is a relief. My breathing thunders in the stillness of the room. I'm on edge, waiting for some noise, any noise to let me know that he is here, that yesterday never happened. But as I feel the room's stillness closing in on me, I know that he is gone. One by one noises come to the edge of my awareness, saving me from the impending insanity that I could feel descending on me. The fish tank, and its ever-present bubbling first, a small relief. Then I hear the ticking of the small clock in his kitchen. The tell tale sounds of the air conditioning comes on. All these things keep me hovering above the darkness that looms so threateningly below me. I walk to his desk and see that his computer has been stolen just like mine. Why? I know that I am going to have to figure it out to find him. I look over to Mulder's couch and see one of his shirts hanging on the arm. I go to it and hold it to me, tight, as if by doing that, I can will him back. His smell was always a comfort to me, something that could arouse and soothe me in the same breath. I don't need to smell the shirt to smell him though. His smell has permeated the entire apartment. Everywhere you go there he is. I walk to the bed, all of a sudden I'm so very tired. I lay down, on my side of the bed, I can't sleep on his. What if he comes back, but something deep inside me tells me not yet, not tonight. Even as I will them not to, my eyes slide shut. Stopping the bitter tears that were about to fall. I pray quickly before I fall asleep asking my God to bring him back to me, to not let these things that I see in my nightmares be real. But even as the whispered words cross my lips, I know the nightmares are true. Mulder and I share a link, we always have. Then it makes me wonder if he knows the secret that I carry inside me. And if he does, will he come back to us?